Five Things I Picked Up Pandemic Parenting in the City

Nothing makes me more of an authority on pandemic parenting than any other parent that is parenting right now. However, I have a very specific perspective — that of a toddler parent in a big urban city, quarantining in a two-bedroom apartment without so much as a balcony.

I had the help of my husband; it was both stressful to our marriage, and in rare moments, a bonding experience that made the stress seem tolerable. We also learned more about our son, who, during quarantine, made major strides in learning to talk. We had to lean on parks as a change of scenery from our apt, we are also privileged to live in a building with a mezzanine, so we had a little more space to unleash the beast, if you know what I mean.

1. Keep a schedule that everyone can see. Between conference and zoom calls, work deadlines, and toddler naptime, we did not stand a chance of making anything on time without our whiteboard with the day's schedule on it. My son also needed some organization, he was used to 40 hours a week of structured daycare with a dozen other rugrats, and now he only had us while we were working 50–60 hour weeks. That schedule was a lifesaver. We made sure each of us had the chance to work, and the bubba got fed every time.
2. Forgive everyone for everything, and expect the same in return. I often failed at this in forgiving my husband for minor annoyances before snapping and forgiving myself. I wasn't as sharp at work as I had been a week earlier, and I wasn't as loving and relaxed as a mother as I was striving to be, neither of those things was where they were before the pandemic started, and looking back now, I wish I had found a way to forgive myself at the moment.
3. Decide fearlessly, as much as you can. From when to pull our son out of daycare and when to send him back, and even ultimately my family’s decision across the country in Q4 to start fresh, it feels like pretty much all I have done this year is sit in this small apartment, and with the support and guidance of my partner, make potentially life-changing decisions with effects on our health and our future. As new parents, this was something we have only begun to get used to. When I was pregnant, the number of decisions I had to make stuck out to me, much more than when it was just me. 2020 has felt like birth and not an easy one.
4. Be present even if it is hard. This was hard for me too. I once read in Ad Age, from a successful CMO, that being a mother and a CMO is only possible if you accept that you cannot do both simultaneously. When you are at work, be at work. When you are at home, be at home. During shelter-in-place, this took on a new meaning. I tried to block out the chaos each time I got on Zoom, and when it was my turn to entertain our son so my husband could take a call, I tried to focus on enjoying him, not on my slack notifications. I so often failed, but I am OK with that.
5. Self-care isn't for Sundays. Take care of yourself every day. It should not be a special event. I have a bad personal habit of putting my self-care aside to push through a busy time at work. I wake up, roll over, and work. I am only able to do this because my husband knows me and picks up the slack. It is not fair to my family, and it is not fair to me. Working that hard, to have it so easily taken away, isn't healthy, and it's not a career strategy.

My Grammarly check keeps telling me the tone of this piece is angry. It is because this shit has been hard, to put it plainly. My family is still reeling from 2020, and it is only August, and shelter-in-place here in Chicago has long lifted. But these lessons that all parents walk away with are a thick, sterling silver lining.